Aug 7, 2009

Daddy's Girl

Wednesday, August 5, was the 24th anniversary of my Daddy's death, today is the anniversary of the day I found him. I drove to my grandma's house to deliver the news to her. My grandma (dad's mom) raised me for about 7 years of my life and was more like a mom to me. Ironically, Wednesday was also the 9th anniversary of her death. As I started to tell her, I realized that as much as this news hurt me, it would hurt her more because she was his mom. All I could say was "I just came from Daddy's" and she ended up completing the sentence.

I was very close to my Papa (that's what I called my dad). My mom left us, my dad, my sister and me, when I was 3-4 years old. My Papa, with the help of his mom, did his best at raising two little girls. He remarried and a couple of years after that, my sister and I went to live with my grandma. Eventually, I went back to live with my Papa. He was separated then and it was just me and him.

I don't remember ever hearing him say "I love you", although I'm sure he did when I was little. I don't remember him kissing me or hugging me but I'm sure he did when I was little. There are a number of things that I wish he would have done differently that impacted my life, but I have never doubted that he loved me. My Papa was just not an openly affectionate man. He did give some of the best mushy, loving, girly cards for birthdays though. We didn't do a lot together or go on yearly vacations but I always enjoyed being in his presence.

My dad was a quiet man and had a lot of patience. He chuckled more than laughed. He loved sports and westerns and spent much of his time watching TV. He worked hard and took care of his family even when we weren't living with him. He was a man of integrity.

We could hardly have a conversation that didn't involve us disagreeing (strongly) about something, but we could still laugh and not get angry about it (most of the time). I could be myself with my dad. I could say what was on my mind without fear (much). He even told me once that one of his favorite things about me was that I did speak my mind to him. Sometimes he shook his head and chuckled at me, sometimes he got angry with me, and most of the time he disagreed with me but I always knew he loved me.

I don't know if my Papa ever gave his life to Christ before he died, I wasn't a believer yet myself. But I do know that he loved me. Sometimes it's much easier to see the sin and the things we don't like in others, than to find those things that reveal the Image of God.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
I can also be myself with Jesus, and tell Him whatever is on my mind and know that He will still love me. He doesn't give me physical hugs and kisses and I rarely hear the words "I love you" but I see His love in His care for me.

Thank you Lord for your unfailing love and for blessing me with a wonderful Papa whose love was expressed beyond what words reveal. In Jesus Name ~ Amen.


Edie

A girl needs to be so lost in God, that the guy is going to have to seek HIM to find her!

15 comments:

Debbie said...

Oh Edie, I hear your heart so loudly. The dates and events can be so etched in our mind and memory. I love how you remember the good about your dad and you honor him with this post of tribute. Of course, dads are human and make mistakes, like all of us. But just the fact that you knew you were loved despite some very trying circumstances in your formative years, says much about him. He would proud of the woman you've become, Edie.

I pray also that you feel the love from your friends in Christ. As we each yield every bit of our lives to Him, He will work in and through us to touch others with His love. I so wish I could be near you and give you a real hug but since I can't ...please know that I care and am sending you a cyberhug. You are very special and talented and I love you.

Love,
Debbie

LisaShaw said...

Edie my precious sister,

So much of what Debbie said above already speaks my heart. I was deeply moved by your heart to share about your Dad.

May God's comfort and love wrap around you at all times. God has a way of showing Himself to us in so many ways.

I love you.

Tammy said...

My dad wasn't much with words neither but he loved me. That's what is important!

I so loved this...He doesn't give me physical hugs and kisses and I rarely hear the words "I love you" but I see His love in His care for me.

love and hugs~Tammy

Christy said...

You are such a strong and Godly woman! You recognized what is important in life. So many don't ever find that.
Christy

Andrea said...

AMEN! I am thankful you are able to see the good. It has taken me many years to get past pain and see the good...see GOD's hand. You and I have much in common.
Much love and blessings, andrea

Loren said...

Edie,

What a beautiful and vulnerable post! The love you have flows out of your heart and onto this page with such grace for your daddy. Forgiveness and acceptance in all you have shared of a man who wasn't perfect but was loved much is so beautiful. Thankyou for allowing us into your heart on this day and may the Lord wrap you in HIS loving arms!

blessings my friend,

HisPrincess said...

You Dad sounds so similar to mine, who is still alive thankfully.

I can't remember him saying it but I know he loves me.

That was a beautiful tribute to you Papa. Thanks for sharing.

B His Girl said...

You shared deep things today. It sounds like you have come full circle in your thought process with the Lord's guidance in your life. You understand his love language through HIS love language to you. That's maturity. B

Yolanda said...

Edie,

I'm so thankful for a heavenly Father that speaks of His love and devotion to you and I.

Forever grateful,
Yolanda

Kelly Combs said...

You know Edie, if you & your dad disagreed about EVERYTHING, perhaps he did know Jesus, but was so afraid that you wouldn't find Jesus if you knew your dad had, he kept it to himself. So his ultimate act of love was to keep his faith quiet, so that you could find your own.

Wouldn't that be cool?

Love you! Glad that we have the same heavenly daddy who loves us SO MUCH!

My ADHD Me said...

It's 2 special people that can disagree on most everything, seldom show their love outwardly, and cross debate most subjects and still know the love is there.
Being able to speak your mind and know that even if the other person disagrees, the love is still there is BIG.
I'm glad I got to know at least one of you.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

I was right here a month ago my friend. I am so thankful that I didn't have any "unfinished business" with my sweet daddy. Our very last words to each other were "I love you". For that I am eternally grateful to my sweet Lord.

I am sorry that you didn't have that kind of relationship with your dad, but I am glad that you knew he loved you.

Irritable Mother said...

He wasn't perfect, but he loved you. So glad you have that confidence!
I am praying my children have that confidence, too. Their mommy is far from perfect, but she loves them very much!
Thanks for sharing so freely.

TRUTH SHARER said...

Oh - this was precious and I agree with Debbie and Lisa and others of how this spoke to us of the Father's love... as well as our need for our earthly fathers to love us.

My dad is 91 and he was the very first person I shared Christ with after I got saved. To this day I still don't believe that he knows or understands the TRUTH. It is sad but I continue to lift Him up before the Father above.

Thanks for sharing your sweet vulnerable heart with us!

Love ya lots... HUGS
Stephanie
[JESUS - the One I THIRST For]

Lea said...

Hey Edie,
I'm slow to reading this post but my heart truly goes out to you. I know how much you loved him. And I know he must have loved you dearly.
It's amazing how those dates stay with us... isn't it? They keep rolling around year after year... and remind us of everything we loved about them.
Blessings to you sweet Edie. I pray you feel the love of our heavenly DADDY through the moments when you're missing your Papa.
Holykisses,
Lea